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The Sunday Pews

Church Announces New Primary Session of General Conference

SALT LAKE CITY - A spokesman from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today the addition of a new session of General Conference specific to Primary-aged children.

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Temple Attendance Triples in Preparation for Holy War

"Temples across Utah have seen an unprecedented amount of traffic over the past week. The Brethren had hoped this influx was due to a renewed effort to perform saving ordinances for deceased ancestors, but analysts confirm that the more likely cause is the 'Holy War' football game between BYU and Utah."

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Overbearing Relief Society Causes Bleeding Ulcer; Visits Sister in Hospital

AMERICAN FORK, Utah—Sister Samantha Grimes, 28, is recovering from a gastric ulcer reportedly caused by an overbearing local Relief Society. 

‘Uh Sorry, Where Are We?’ Says Brother in Gospel Doctrine When Asked to Read

NEPHI, Utah—An 11-readers-long scripture snake was abruptly halted today after one brother was caught "off-guard" when it came to his turn to read.

Desperate Sister Does Best to Guilt Members Into Joining Ward Choir

PLEASANT GROVE, Utah—Several members left a Utah County Sunday School class feeling slightly guilty after Sister Debra Shields, 41, did her best to manipulate members' into joining the ward choir.

73 Things Still Less Awkward Than a YSA Bishopric’s Chastity Lesson

The Law of Chastity is a blessing. Bishoprics that are uncomfortable teaching it are a curse.

BREAKING: BYU-Idaho Alters Honor Code, Now Bans “Clothing of Any Kind”

REXBURG, Idaho—In a stunning announcement from BYU-I administration, the university's controversial Honor Code now bans students from wearing "clothing of any kind" on campus.

7 Devastating Addictions Latter-day Saints Need to Watch Out For

These have really been chaffing my wheat lately.

A Mormon’s Guide to Coffee Beverage Terms

Lattes, mochas, cappuccinos—the list goes on and on. Here's a Mormon's guide to coffee beverage terms.

Dad, Kids Honor Mother’s Day With Annual Dish Washing

BOUNTIFUL, Utah—Mother's Day, 2017. It's the day the McGuires do something a little out of the ordinary for their mother—the dishes.

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