SALT LAKE CITY – Bishop Tom H. Yertz, of the Salt Lake 1,342nd Ward, said Sunday that he was “grateful for the opportunity he gave himself to speak” to the congregation.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is customarily the bishop’s responsibility to make sure speakers from the congregation are selected before Sunday meetings begin. Last Sunday the lot fell on Bishop Yertz himself.

Members say it is customary for speakers to choose between three standard talk-opening jokes. Bishop Yertz was no exception. “When I assigned myself to speak this week, I’m not going to lie, at first I really didn’t want to,” Bishop Yertz said in his talk.”In fact, I thought about taking a vacation this week just so I wouldn’t have to speak.”

“But as I began to prepare what I wanted to say to you today I realized that the person who most needs this talk is me,” he continued.

Sources say at this point Bishop Yertz looked over his shoulder, smiling towards where he usually sits. “I’m grateful for the opportunity I gave myself to speak today,” he said.

An anonymous ward member, whom we will call Kelly, was also grateful. “I’ve been in this ward for 16 years and have not been asked to speak once,” the source said. “Just keep your head down, keep the commandments, and get –,” at this point in the interview the source made eye contact with Brother Herbert, the First Counselor in the Ward, and fled the building.