Bishopric LDS Pews

Bishop Calls for Pew to be Cut in Two After Sac. Mtg. Territory Dispute

DETROIT - Two families from the local Latter-day Saint congregation clashed Sunday, both claiming that the fourth row on the left side of the chapel was "their pew," sources say.

DETROIT – Two families from the local Latter-day Saint congregation clashed Sunday, both claiming that the fourth row on the left side of the chapel was “their pew,” sources say.

The Edmondson family claims to have occupied the pew in question every Sunday since 1953. “It’s been passed down through generations in my family. It’s ours. Everybody in the ward knows it,” Paul Edmondson, 71, said.

The Harrison family disagrees, alleging that the Edmondson family has a history of Alzheimers and in fact usually sit in the fourth row on theĀ right side of the chapel every week. “It’s an honest mistake, but one that our family cannot tolerate,” Steve Harrison, 67, said.

Members say the bishop, Carl Hughes, intervened when the situation began to escalate. Bishop Hughes approached the pulpit and asked the Executive Secretary to fetch a chainsaw and cut the pew in half, leaving one half with each family, sources say.

Just before the pew was to be cut, members report that Sister Sheila Harrison, 62, threw herself on the cushioned bench and begged Bishop Hughes to spare the pew and to let the Edmondson family sit there.

 

 

[Contributor credit: Rich Hunter]

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6 comments on “Bishop Calls for Pew to be Cut in Two After Sac. Mtg. Territory Dispute

  1. Ashley Simmons

    These people are sooo childish. Why don’t they grow up and show a little Christian spirit!

    Like

    • Dear Ashley,

      It will comfort you to know that, luckily, this website is completely satirical. The story you read is just for your entertainment. We get the feeling you weren’t entertained, which is unfortunate. We also tell jokes. Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

      (100 soles were lost)

      Have a splendid day,
      TSP Admin

      Like

  2. Kent Roper

    Dispewted: when someone is sitting where you normally sit in the chapel.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry I fail to see the humor in your story. But I have seen how members get bend out of shape when they see someone setting in their spot when they arrive late for service.

    Like

  4. I loved it and our family is still laughing. Real life is always the best humor.

    Like

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