BRIGHAM CITY, Utah – What used to be “Mom, I’m hungry,” has now turned into “Mother, will you follow the example of the Relief Society sisters from my mission and cook me a meal to be consumed immediately?”
Ever since Elder Brock Walters returned home from his Arizona mission last month sources say he has transformed his diction into language that is not only more efficient, but totally annoying as well.
“Brock has always been a little different,” Sarabeth Walters, Brock’s mother, said, “but this time it extends beyond the family. You should have seen him on his first date the day after he got home from his mission.”
We at The Sunday Pews contacted Mary Hamilton, Brock’s first post-mission date. “It was … a unique evening,” she said. “After we went bowling he dropped me off back home. At the door he made firm eye contact, squared his shoulders and said, ‘Will you follow the example of your younger sister and agree to a second date with me tomorrow evening at the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Shack?'”
Hamilton says Brock then opened his planner and extended his hand. When Hamilton inquired about the scheduled date between Brock and her younger sister, Brock emphasized the importance of a broad investigator pool and meaningful daily contact.
Steven Walters, Brock’s younger brother, has kept a diligent list of commitments Brock has attempted to make over the last week. Select entries are featured below:
“Father, will you follow the example of the neighbors and purchase two-ply toilet paper today at Walmart?”
“Mr. Germaine, will you hire me as full-time Summer Sales Representative for Vivint today, the 24th of February, 2017?”
“Snookie, for once in your miserable life, will you follow the example of every other dog on the planet and eat your gosh-dang food that I have prepared for you?”