BOULDER, Colo. – Members of Mountain Crest Ward seated within a 40-foot radius of Brother Gary Yates pretended not to hear him snoring throughout Sacrament Meeting on Sunday, sources say.

Members say Brother Yates, who has a long history of falling asleep 13 minutes after the meeting starts, remains unaware of the hideous chortling he subjects the ward to.

“I’m not sure Brother Yates is even aware he falls asleep,” Mountain Crest Ward Bishop Granger said. “I see him every week from my seat on the stand. Occasionally he’ll wake up, look around, not notice the puddle of drool accumulating in the ruffles of his shirt, and then fall back asleep again almost immediately.”

Sister Kathryn Martin sat with her family directly behind Brother Yates during Sunday’s meeting and says that after two years in the ward, she and her family have grown accustomed to his labored breathing. “At first we thought it was someone with a medical condition, or a dying possum, but once we learned it was just Gary we thought it best just to ignore him,” she said.

As always, visitors are welcome and encouraged to attend Sunday meetings at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For more information on Brother Yates, he can be found asleep in the middle of the fourth pew of the middle section of the chapel every Sunday at 10:30 a.m.