OREM, Utah – In a conscious effort to subconsciously avoid having to fast, area man Dallas Kingston, 23, is doing everything in his power to accidentally forget that this Sunday is the first of the month.
“Oh yeah, I remembered a few days ago that this week was going to be Fast Sunday,” Kingston said in a recent interview, “but I immediately buried it under thoughts about football, girls and getting gains.”
Gustav Voophus, a Latter-day Saint psychologist employed at the local university says that Kingston’s strategy is not unique. “I’ve seen it a million times. They want to remember that they’re supposed to fast once it’s already too late,” he said. “They want to be able to say, ‘aw, shucks. Guess I’ll do it next month ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.'”
According to Voophus’s research, innocently forgetting to fast expunges members of any collateral guilt that would be otherwise caused by purposefully deciding not to fasting.
In a nutshell, ignorance is bliss.
“I do fast,” Kingston said. “I freakin’ love to fast. I mean, I didn’t last month because I forgot, but hey, it was an honest mistake. I’ll totes fast this time around. …Wait, what day is today?”
To learn more about the Latter-day Saint practice of fasting, click here or watch this incredibly dated but surprisingly entertaining video: