LDS Pews Relief Society

Heavily-Perfumed Elderly Sister Prompts Use of Gas Masks in Relief Society

LAS VEGAS, Nev. - Sister Agatha Crabapple of Sandhill 1st Ward, 82, has attended Relief Society every week for the last 64 years. So has her Chanel No. 5.

LAS VEGAS, Nev. – Sister Agatha Crabapple of Sandhill 1st Ward, 82, has attended Relief Society every week for the last 64 years. So has her Chanel No. 5.

In an unprecedented move by ward leadership, funds have been set aside for the purchase of gas masks to be used by sisters during third-hour meetings.

Sisters now enter class to find a gas mask under each chair, next to a hymn book. Some sisters are calling the initiative “appropriately passive-aggressive,” and “absolutely necessary.”

Sister Shirley Timmons recently moved into the ward and says Sister Crabapple is a beloved member of the sisterhood, but “it’s like a moist cloud of Chanel No. 5 marinade follows her everywhere she goes. Personally I think gas masks are perfectly reasonable.”

Another sister reports, “I feel like I’ve been locked in a paint factory for half a lifetime by the end of the hour. It’s just not healthy.”

The Sunday Pews confronted Sister Crabapple about the issue. Crabapple says she is more than aware of her strong scent, but revealed that “it’s either Chanel No. 5 or my chronic spastic colon. Pick your poison.”

 

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For more information on what The Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is actually all about, click here.

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3 comments on “Heavily-Perfumed Elderly Sister Prompts Use of Gas Masks in Relief Society

  1. Michael Mc Daniel

    In our ward the Relief Society Room has always been a putrid place that smells of 400 varieties of stale perfume. It gags you every week for gospel doctrine class.

    Like

  2. You needed me as a consultant. Much more accurate to have her wearing Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds. That stuff is a weapons-grade white flower scent. Much stronger than Chanel #5 and more popular among the elderly lady set.

    Like

  3. catherineh

    Youre hilarious! I 1st read abt 7 LDS Addictions, then Flatulence & last was RS Gas Masks Distribution…lol, Lol, LOL! 😸🐾

    Like

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