LONDON – Brother Harold Frederick forgot to eat breakfast before church meetings on Sunday. So, like any self-respecting 40-year-old does, he began to scour the pews for the half-eaten cheerios graciously left between the cushions by the ward’s regular nursery attendees.

But as Brother Frederick’s hunger refused to be sated and he continued to dig into the cushioned crevasse he had no idea that his life would be changed forever.

Brother Frederick told The Sunday Pews of his experience in an exclusive interview. What follows are his unedited words:

“I found several cheerios right off the bat. I had to pick a few hairs off of some of them but other than that they were quality, generic cheerios.

But, this week I wanted more. So I dug a little deeper. I realized that there was more space between the cushions than I had originally thought. The cushions don’t meet seamlessly, they bottleneck. Once I squeezed my arm past the chokepoint I was finding Fruit Loops, Gummy Bears and even Teddy Grahams.

At this point my entire left arm was down inside the pew! It was incredible. And I kept going.

I managed to fit my head in next. Deeper into the pew I could see even larger treasures. There were old cell phones, jewelry and the biggest pile of binkies you’ve ever seen.

Then I fell completely in. I fell several feet. The only light came from above, emanating from the slit between the cushions from which I had fallen. When I stood up and was able to orient myself, I found myself standing in front of a large wardrobe.

 

I opened it, only to find it full of thick fur coats, but I was met by a brisk breeze from the back of the wardrobe. As I pushed past the coats suddenly I found myself walking on snow. The coats gave way to tree branches – a forest – and a lamp post.”

Sources say Brother Frederick emerged from the pews in time for Sunday School, but he claims to have been within them for several hours.

Amongst other things, Brother Frederick also claims to have found his lost ChapStick, garage door opener, and the 116 lost pages of The Book of Mormon.

What he claims to have seen has yet to be verified by the mouth of two or three witnesses.


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