LDS Pews Missionaries

Convert Testimony Strengthened by Oblivious Senior Missionary Couple Who Should Have Died “About 17 Times by Now”

LONDON - Logic, common sense and science all suggest that Elder Gene Hardy, 73, and Sister Sheila Hardy, 71, should have been killed in any number of ways months ago. At least, that's what recent convert Brian Shephard says.

 LONDON – Logic, common sense and science all suggest that Elder Gene Hardy, 73, and Sister Sheila Hardy, 71, should have been killed in any number of ways months ago. At least, that’s what recent convert Brian Shephard says.

In a recent interview with Brother Shephard, who was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints yesterday, he related the origin of his testimony:

“I know the Church is true because the senior missionaries that taught me are still alive.

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The Hardys are incredible, don’t get me wrong, but they have absolutely no idea what is going on around them. They’re just … old. It’s not their fault. They’re not as quick as they used to be – but amazingly, they’re alive and kicking. Divine protection is the only explanation. They can’t be killed.

A month ago Elder Hardy drove four kilometers on the wrong side of the road and didnt even notice. I’ve never prayed harder in my entire life, but traffic just parted like the Red Sea in front of him.

Last week Sister Hardy left the gas running on their stove – luckily she noticed it when she got out of bed in the middle of the night at 8:30 PM to go to the bathroom.

But the moment when I knew the gospel was true occurred just a few days ago, just before I decided to be baptized. The Hardys were leaving my flat when Elder Hardy started choking on a Werther’s Original. He immediately fell to the ground. Sister Hardy hadn’t yet noticed, but while looking at a water stain on the ceiling she lost her balance and fell backwards. She landed on Elder Hardy, ejecting the candy from his throat while simultaneously breaking her own hip-crushing fall with his torso. Coincidence? I think not.”

Brother Shephard’s bishop, Charles Hanson, emphasized to both The Sunday Pews and to Brother Shephard that a testimony “should be based on a spiritual witness of Christ’s divinity and the truthfulness of The Book of Mormon,” but he also mentioned that “yeah, the Hardy’s should be dead about 17 times by now. Every day is truly a miracle.”

Sources report that Elder and Sister Hardy have also had close encounters while contacting armed thugs on the street, while taking pictures of a raging wildfire and while following GPS instructions into the ocean.

 


To see what a mission is really like for senior couples, click here.

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1 comment on “Convert Testimony Strengthened by Oblivious Senior Missionary Couple Who Should Have Died “About 17 Times by Now”

  1. trishmercer

    You guys kill me. Every entry, every new story–absolutely hilarious.
    I doff my cap. You folks are brilliant.

    Like

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