REXBURG, Idaho – Rexburg YSA 3,759th Ward Elders Quorum President Jake Hunt recently reorganized Home Teaching assignments, assigning himself to the three “most beautiful, eligible sisters in the ward,” sources say.

Backlash from the rest of the quorum has been severe. The Elders have denounced the decision, calling it “contrived, selfish and just totally not cool”. President Hunt did not publicly address the Elders’ concerns but The Sunday Pews’ onsite affiliate was able to coordinate an exclusive interview. What follows is a transcript from that interview.

TSP: “President Hunt, some members of your quorum find it suspicious that the individual in charge of making Home Teaching assignments just happento be assigned to teach the most eligible bachelorettes in the ward. How do you respond?”

President Hunt: “Yes, my counselors have mentioned these suspicions to me, and they’re completely baseless. There is no evidence to support that this assignment was not made through inspiration and I’m blown away by the thought that my own quorum members would suggest that this is some kind of shrewd yet highly sophisticated ploy to find an eternal companion. Laughable.”

TSP: “So you deny the allegations?”

President Hunt: “With every fiber of my being.”

TSP: “What process did you go through to come to your decision?”

President Hunt: “I did what every Elders Quorum President does. I found a quiet place to ponder over the ward menu- uh, directory, and just felt very strongly that I should be responsible for these specific totally average-looking sisters.”

TSP: “And what role did your counselors play in the decision-making process?”

President Hunt: “…Well they’re really busy, final exams are coming up and all, so I didn’t want to bother them with making these few assignment changes.”

TSP: “How many other assignment changes did you make?”

President Hunt: “Next question, please.”

TSP: “Who is your companion?”

President Hunt: “Don’t need one.”

TSP: “How old are you?”

President Hunt: “Twenty-seven.”

TSP: “You’re a student, correct? When do you graduate?”

President Hunt: “Correct. I graduate this coming month.”

TSP: “From which university?”

President Hunt: “BYU – Idaho.”

TSP: “And you claim that your new assignment has nothing to do with finding an eternal companion?”

President Hunt: “Nohoho *pained laugh*. I love being single. I’ve been single my whole life! It’s really my favorite thing to be. I mean, if one of these sisters became particularly charmed by the flowers and Old Spice scented cards I regularly leave them and fell madly in love with me… I mean, who am I to deny them? But that dream- eh, possibility, was never a factor in making this decision.”

[End of transcript]

 

President Hunt continued, saying the fact that his parents have been breathing down his neck about marriage for the past six years coupled with frequent comments about the likelihood of his younger brother marrying first have nothing to do with the decision.

 

 

 


We members are only human and sometimes we do ridiculous things, but the gospel is true. Learn more about it here.

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