SALT LAKE CITY – A spokesman from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today the addition of a new session of General Conference specific to Primary-aged children.
Immediately after the announcement the Church released details about the upcoming session, which included the anticipated schedule for the two-hour meeting. What follows is an excerpt from that release:
“All children ages three through eleven are welcome at the session. Considering the unique nature of such a young audience, the Church feels that the Primary Session should be as accommodating to the children’s needs as possible.
As such, the session will take place on Saturday, April 1st at a time when most younger children are awake anyway – 5:30 to 7:30 AM. Children that plan on attending the live session should be dropped off by their parents outside the Conference Center at least 30 minutes before the session begins. Tickets are required.
General Authorities and leaders of the Church will address the youth as they do in traditional sessions, but messages will address age-appropriate topics such as reverence, prayer and the often misunderstood relationship between popcorn and apricot trees.
A brief nap time will take place in lieu of the intermediate musical number, after which the General Officers of the Church will lead the children in a brief rendition of ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’ to help get their wiggles out, and the children’s too.”
The Church has produced three exclusive coloring sheets for each child in attendance (available for download online) that illustrate various scripture stories including timeless scenes from 2 Kings 2: 23-24.
This article is just satire (it’s NOT true) but in all reality, General Conference is just around the corner. Are you ready? Everyone prepares a little differently, but we invite you to view Conference with specific personal questions in mind. As you listen with pure intent, you’ll find answers to those questions, but don’t just take our word for it.