BLUFFDALE, Utah – A local brother was the subject of several eye-rolls Sunday after claiming he “wasn’t planning on bearing his testimony,” but subsequently did, sources say.

While members agree that it’s not their place to judge, they say their exasperation fell under the category of righteous judgement as the brother read the words “I wasn’t planning on bearing my testimony today” from a printed sheet of paper he took from his pocket at the pulpit.


The testimony a local brother wasn’t planning on bearing (above).

The brother, who has a history of commenting every 15 seconds in Sunday School, continued his testimony with a ten-minute impressively detailed “impromptu” allegory regarding the spiritual significance of mold.

Sources say the brother even took two blocks of cheese out of his jacket pockets, one fresh and one moldy, to illustrate his point to the congregation.

Members say that curious smiles from the bishopric prompted the brother to nonchalantly explain that he “always carries cheese in his jacket”.

The brother reportedly closed his remarks with a brief travelogue, thankimony and uncomfortably detailed description of a recent rash.


This article is just satire, but remember that sharing your testimony with others is essential to your spiritual health. There’s nothing wrong with sharing it regularly (in fact, you should) as long as it’s sincere. Don’t let your testimony become moldy.