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BREAKING: Church Drops Scouting Program, Moms Everywhere “Unsure of What to Nag Sons About Now”

SALT LAKE CITY —  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is breaking ties with the Boy Scouts program and mothers everywhere are asking, “what will I nag my sons about now?”

The Church made the announcement Thursday morning, saying the BSA will no longer be a part of the Young Men’s program for youth ages 14 through 17.

Though Boy Scouts is strictly described as an organization for boys, Sister Dana Peters has been heavily involved in the organization for decades via her four sons. “School is almost over. What am I supposed to [strongly encourage] my kids to do over the summer?” she said. “I’ve already told my 15-year-old that he doesn’t get his drivers license until he’s flying with the Eagles.”

Mom waering Boy Scout sash
Sister Dana Peters finds purpose in nagging on her sons to get their Scouting requirements fulfilled.

Peters continued, “We’re not bad mothers because we nag. I mean, if we didn’t nag what would get done? My kids would never get up on time in the morning. My husband would never go to work. Heck, if I didn’t nag myself sometimes I’d never attend Relief Society.”

Peters says that nagging is simply a natural result of having a teenage son whose dream is “to become John Cena“.

Latter-day Saint book clubs everywhere are calling emergency meetings in an effort to find new reasons to fill the nagless hole left by BSA’s exit. The Sunday Pews has compiled a list of possible ideas (below) that we give mothers full permission to use in this trying time.

10 Things To Nag Your Sons About Now That Scouting is Gone

  1. Getting outside more.
  2. Drinking more water once they start getting outside more.
  3. Putting the toilet seat back down once they get outside more and start drinking more water.
  4. Eating too much.
  5. Eating too little.
  6. For not being more like his older brother.
  7. For not contributing to society.
  8. For not paying you rent on time.
  9. For ignoring the fact that if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you could be entitled to financial compensation.
  10. For ruining your life and eating all your steak.

 


 

This is just satire, but as an Eagle Scout I can say that seeing the program go (that part is real) is bittersweet. I look forward to whatever the Church will cook up to take its place in the Young Men’s program. Thankfully you don’t have to be an Eagle to do a good turn daily. And to all the moms of scouts out there – you da real mvp.

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The Church is true. The doctrines are true. The Book of Mormon is what Joseph Smith said it is. That being said, we Mormons can be pretty goofy sometimes. The Sunday Pews aims to poke fun at the human quirks specific to our subculture, not the sacred doctrines we hold so dear. All articles are satirical in nature.

3 comments on “BREAKING: Church Drops Scouting Program, Moms Everywhere “Unsure of What to Nag Sons About Now”

  1. Carol Kendall

    This is not a problem at all – it just makes room to nag them about Duty to God!

    Like

  2. Authorities Amputate Aaron’s Atrophied Activity Arm; Aaron Oblivious.

    Like

  3. Erin Johansen

    Such a timely article! I have two boys both a few Merritt Badges away from Eagle and now what is a mother to do when her sons come home from church yesterday announcing they are tossing out all their progress and walking away from scouting. Be still my soul! Nooo way, this mama WILL nag for 6 more months and insist they finish what they started…I have a mother’s pin sash I need to fill up people.

    Like

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