BOUNTIFUL, Utah — The McGuire family loves their mother 365 days a year, but on one of those days they show it.
Today is that day. Mother’s Day, 2017. It’s the day the McGuires do something a little out of the ordinary for their mother—the dishes.
Hal McGuire, better known as Dad, says that it’s literally the least they can do for his loving wife, the mother to his four children.
“There are three things in this world that are underrated,” Hal said, “two-ply toilet paper, PG movies from the 1970s and mothers. On Mother’s day we just like to make my wife’s life a little easier, so we do the dishes.”
The lucky gal is Gina McGuire. She says that getting a day off from dish-duty is nice, but she wishes it would happen a little more frequently.
“I’m always grateful, but sometimes I ask my kids why they don’t wash the dishes more often,” Gina said, “and they always reply with ‘if we did it every day then Mother’s Day wouldn’t be special’. I guess, technically, they’re right.”
Despite the family’s apparent unwillingness to help out in the kitchen during the rest of the year, Gina says she’s learned to make the best out of the annual tradition. Sources say that Sister McGuire is always on the lookout to test her family’s dish-washing resolve.
“Things started out simple enough. The first year we did it there were hardly any dishes,” Gina’s oldest son, Dillon, said. “On the second year there was a dried out lasagna dish in the sink and we made the mistake of establishing precedent. On the third year we found the oven racks waiting for us. On the fourth year we found my dad’s favorite sweater from high school in the sink, and our dog. Let’s just say that by the eighth year the sink looked like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino film.”
Hal says the family now lives in a state of increasing anticipation as they wait to see what mom “cooks up” next.
This is an ongoing story and The Sunday Pews assures you that updates will be posted as they become available to us.
UPDATE: Sources have confirmed that Gina McGuire will be holding a Relief Society potluck dinner tonight, Sunday the 14th, at 5:30 PM at her home in Bountiful, Utah. The theme is “Crusty”. Guests are encouraged to attend and to leave their dishes behind, which shall be washed and promptly returned. Further details can be found here.
This article is satirical in nature—it’s not true, but to all the moms reading this out there: You deserve a whole lot more than us kids can ever give you. Thanks.