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7 Devastating Addictions Latter-day Saints Need to Watch Out For

These have really been chaffing my wheat lately.

Addictions come in many forms. Some are serious and seemingly impossible to overcome. Some are more subtle and ultimately benign.

Here are seven addictions relevant to Latter-say Saints that you may be affected by, and that need to be eradicated.

1. Asking the singles why they’re not married yet

This question is a sickness ravaging congregations across the globe. It is usually intended as a compliment, meant to be interpreted as, “You’re legitimately an awesome person, it’s not you, it’s them.” It doesn’t come across that way. All too often it is interpreted as, “Wow, you’re like 27 now aren’t you? You don’t even have a girlfriend? What the heck are you doing wrong? Well are you putting yourself out there?”

giphy
via giphy.com

2. Asking for a volunteer to say closing prayer

This is just as damaging to you as it is for your class, but mark my words when I say there are only two possible outcomes—all painful:

  1. That one guy who always says the prayer volunteers.
  2. There is a heavy moment of awkward silence and downcast eyes until someone finally looks up with determination in their brow and declares …

Back when the Church and Boy Scouts were besties, I took the Emergency Preparedness merit badge. I was taught that when there’s an emergency situation you’re supposed to single someone out directly and ask them to call 911 instead of throwing out an ethereal, “somebody call 911!” or an even more passive example: “Can I please get a volunteer to call 911?”

Ask someone specific to say the prayer. It’s the easiest way to overcome this debilitating addiction,

3. Singing louder than everyone else. Combined.

The first time is fun, but then the attention goes straight to your head. Nobody stops you because it’s Sacrament Meeting and people are trying to be Christlike. They’re trying to develop patience and by gosh if you’re not giving them that opportunity. We love you. We support your desire to quit. So, please do. Sing like a normal person.

Will Ferrel loud voice
via giphy.com

4. Dedicating time and effort to centerpieces

This may seem harmless—but that’s your addiction talking. There is help available. Stop worrying about this now before you end up like these two sisters.

RS centerpieces
via giphy.com

5. Giving WAY too much personal information in your testimony

This is called a tesTMIony (see what I did there?).

I fail to realize how the skin tag colony festering behind your knee has any relevance to your testimony. It’ll be hard to break this addiction all at once (nervous situations tend to bring out the weird in us), but when you find yourself relapsing, just pull a Hagrid and finish up before it gets worse.

6. Doing you home/visiting teaching on the last day of the month

“Oh, what’s that? You care about me? You want to be my friend? You’re not just here to check off a box and avoid getting chastised by your leaders?” … … …

Home/visiting teaching

7. Ending a talk with, “In the name of thy son…”

It’s OK, nobody blames you. It happens to the best of us. Nobody is mad at you, they’re just giggling a little bit because your talk is supposed to be directed at the congregation, not God—though I’m sure He loved it, too. Just be more careful next time.

 

Did we miss any? Let us know of any other less-well-known LDS addictions you can think of in the comments.


 

This article is just for your entertainment. These are a few of my pet peeves that I think you might relate with as members of the LDS Church. This article is not meant to marginalize the seriousness of real addictions, but rather poke fun at some of the strange habits/traditions that some members fall into (myself included).

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David Snell is a proud member of the LDS Church. He is the Founder of The Sunday Pews and has experience writing for Mormon Newsroom Pacific, KBYU11, Classical 89 Radio, FamilyShare.com and plenty more. He doesn't take himself too seriously and just wants to brighten your day a bit.

77 comments on “7 Devastating Addictions Latter-day Saints Need to Watch Out For

  1. Michelle

    Blessing the dessert/bad for you foods to nourish and strengthen our bodies!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Peter Hanseen

    The EQ addiction as relates to move-ins and move-outs service opportunities — the addiction ‘Serving To Be Seen of Men’ but not to do any serious work. Manifests in two ways primarily. First, showing up at double the tardiness of Mormon Standard Time with the knowledge that a good chunk of the work will be done by the On Time Fools. Or, manifested by standing with arms folded and talking intently about … anything… with another TOBSOM compadre, whilst the worker bees load stuff in and out of moving vans. It’s a real addiction for some.

    Like

  3. Kenny Mazzanti

    Regarding #2: This is not a ‘volunteer’ organization. Follow the example in the Temple education. Give assignments and take reports. Seek inspiration from the Spirit as to who could benefit from an assignment. Ask a specific person to say a prayer, read a scripture or help at a service project. This allows them to exercise their agency and promotes individual growth.

    Like

  4. Sometimes people in the process of repentance cannot participate for awhile. It would be awkward if they had to say no.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We opine that the best thing to do is ask someone in private to say the prayer, before class starts. If someone is not able to participate, they can simply say, “I’d prefer not to, thanks,” without going into a full-out confession of their sins.

      Like

  5. Kimberly

    Judging people for things that really don’t matter, why not be happy they are there and willing to participate?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sister Kim, I hear your concerns and you are entitled to them, but may I propose the following: Just because my roommate eats with his mouth open does not mean I’m unhappy he eats.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Whike praying from the pulpit, starting each sentence with, “our dear Heavenly Father”, over and over again! One time my husband and I counted 16 if them!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Using the abbreviation “D&C” for the Doctrine & Covenants when speaking from the pulpit or teaching a class. Even assuming that there are no non-Mormons in the audience who are wondering why someone is talking about women’s health issues, it is still disrespectful. We do not talk about the B of M, or the HB. The Doctrine and Covenants is a holy book and should be referred to respectfully.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. May I say that singing too softly is the problem rather than too loudly. Many members from protestant backgrounds are disappointed that we murmur through our hymns rather that praise God with all the energy of our hearts. Ask anyone that is part of the Genesis Group what they think of the way that traditional LDS wards sing hymns. Please, never ask anyone to hold back while singing. Let’s start a new culture of singing our hymns with great devotion.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Cav Pilot

      even more than singing softly, how about singing every hymn as a funeral dirge? Called to Serve, Praise to the Man and While of these Emblems do not have the same tempo.

      Liked by 1 person

    • A congregation singing energetically, when appropriate, is great. One person singing obviously louder than everyone else can be distracting. But yes, congregations in general should sing louder.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Amen Barbara!!
    And as long as I’m on “amen” how about saying it audibly enough to be heard and clearly enough so it’s not a mumble.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. These are all way funny! I had a good laugh! I just think calling someone out to say a prayer is rude. I think if you ask them privately before great but otherwise you may call out in front of everyone someone who is going through disciplinary steps and then that is super awkward!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Since when can’t a person pray if their going through the repentance process? I understand blessing the sacrament, but saying an opening or closing prayer? I’ve never heard of such a thing…

      Like

      • Rebecca Merrill

        Usually if a person has been excommunicated but still go to church, they cannot say prayers or even make comments in meetings. I don’t know all the ins and outs of that, but I knew someone in that position.

        Like

  11. Praying for “moisture”

    Liked by 2 people

  12. How about criticizing others?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Please bless we will all travel home safely 😇😆

    Like

  14. I wouldn’t call these ‘addictions’. I think they are more like ‘traditions’. Praying for ‘moisture’ is one that I think is funny. How often do we see it raining and say “look, everyone: it’s moisture!”

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Calling it Young Women’s. It’s Young Women or the Young Women’s Organization. It’s already plural, so just don’t do that!

    The Mormons also did NOT leave Costco, i.e. Kirkland. They left Kirtland.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Rose Green

    Not a “church” thing, but definitely an intermountain west thing–the phrase in a prayer of “we thank thee for the moisture which we have received.” I swear there could be a flood and the church building could be literally floating down the river and out to sea, and someone would still say this in a prayer. Yes, be grateful in the dry states! But in parts of the rest of the world, sometimes we’re glad when it STOPS raining, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Clstringham

    “I’d like to bear my testimony….” That phrase is not necessary. Just do it!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Some of these are funny, but I strongly disagree with #2. Some people absolutely do not want to be singled out in front of a crowd of people. Especially people who are not allowed to pray in church. It can be extremely embarrassing for them. I know people who have quit coming to church because they don’t want to be specifically called on to pray/read in front of everyone. A better way to handle this might be to privately ask someone beforehand if they would be willing to say the prayer in class.

    Like

    • We agree that the best thing to do is ask someone in private to say the prayer, before class starts. If someone is not able to participate, they can simply say, “I’d prefer not to, thanks,” without going into a full-out confession of their sins.

      Like

  19. Travelogue testimonies, Thanktimonies (Thankful for, thankful for, thankful for….), Lengthy testimonies, I-hate-to see-the-time-go-to-waste-testimonies, “Testimonies” that are really just a talk on a specific subject, persons who
    HAVE to bear their testimony every month.

    Like

  20. Edson Lopes

    In Brazil, it has become a habit repeating the name of the Godhead many times throughout a prayer, in Its different forms. It is in vain, because it is unnecessary. Also, even long-standing members use the singular in public prayers (I instead of we). In private, one can pray any way s/he wants, but in public prayers there should be some etiquette. And sometimes there are too-long prayers in public.

    Like

    • Edson, I don’t understand, Edson, why you would be bothered, Edson, by somebody repeating your name, Edson, so frequently, Edson, that it becomes tiresome, Edson, and trite, Edson, and meaningless. Edson.

      Kidding aside, whether it’s vain or not (and it is), it’s gotta be annoying.

      Liked by 2 people

  21. How about all those people who start a testimony or talk with the line “For those who don’t know me I’m “John Jones”. Are the people who know supposed to call you some other name? Do you really have a name that only for those who don’t know you to use? Aren’t you also “John Jones” for the people who know you? Simply start the talk I’m “John Jones”

    Or my other one. “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you!” That’s double speak for I want you to feel like I care, but I really don’t, and I’m really hoping you don’t let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I’ll be going now… If you really want to do something for them simply say. What can I do for you? or better something direct when you see a need like … wow your basement is flooded I’m going to help you clean it out or I’m sorry you mom died, I would like to mow and tend your yard so it looks nice when folks come by and so you don’t have to worry about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Brian Anderson

      In our area, every youth talk starts like this: “We will now hear from Emily Jones.”
      “Hi, my name is Emily Jones, for those of you who don’t know me.”
      Let’s see, your name is in the program, you were just introduced by name, but you need to say it again – every youth in our stake seems addicted to that opening phrase as if there is no other way to commence.

      Liked by 1 person

    • “For those of you who don’t know me” is also a pet peeve of mine used to begin a talk. The member of the bishopric introduced you and your name is in the bulletin. I don’t need you to tell me your name.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I wonder if this common practice (“For those of you . . .”) suggests the youth, and sometimes others, don’t feel very connected to the people in front of them?

      Like

  22. Denise M. Haller

    My biggest pet peeve is we have been counseled over and over again about taking your 3 yr old to the pulpit to whisper in their ear what to say in testimony meeting. The parent thinks it cute, but the ‘Circus” needs to stop! Unless they can learn, know those 5 points… keep it in primary!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kimberly

      I’m guessing that you aren’t aware that there is no opportunity in Primary wherein children may share their testimony (regardless of age). Perhaps the better opportunity would be teaching them during Family Home Evening and then perhaps when others are visiting their home. Allow them to share testimony in church after they have been baptized.

      Liked by 1 person

      • This is addressed in Handbook 2 section 18.2.3 – It may be best to have young children learn to share their testimonies in settings such as family home evening or when giving talks in Primary until they are old enough to do so in a fast and testimony meeting without assistance from a parent, sibling, or other person.

        Like

      • With that said, we had a beautiful and sincere testimony from an 8-year-old boy about service a few weeks ago. His parents didn’t not encourage him to go up – it was what he wanted to do. He didn’t ramble or hem and haw. It was to-the-point and filled with the Spirit. That was what testimonies should be like.

        Liked by 1 person

  23. My pet peeve is folks who direct a reply to a teacher in a soft voice. I wish they would stand up, turn around and speak to the class. Better yet say their name first for those of us who don’t remember.

    Like

  24. To go along with the first one, PLEASE stop asking married couples when they’re going to have children. For all you know, they might not even want kids or they’ve already been trying without success. Either way, it’s absolutely none of your business! Unless you’re my husband or my doctor, there is no reason for you to be asking me questions about the state of my uterus.
    Another thing relating to kids is that some people are addicted to ignoring their children during meetings. Sorry, but if I can’t hear the speaker because your child is singing/screaming/standing next to me on the pew and trying to play with my earrings (which seriously happened once), I will give you a death glare. Church is not daycare. Don’t let your kid be the reason someone else feels frustration and anger instead of the Holy Ghost. If they’re making a bunch of noise, maybe consider taking them out of the room so that other people can hear the meeting they came for.
    Also, if your kid needs you to come up to the pulpit with them, they’re not old enough to bear their testimony on Fast Sunday. Maybe you and your spouse think it’s adorable that little Paisleigh wants to have her “testimony” whispered into her ear so she can talk into the microphone, but the rest of the congregation is much more interested in hearing actual testimonies from people who can formulate sentences on their own.
    (This makes me sound like I detest children, but I promise I only hate them when they’re not taught how to behave.)

    Like

  25. DonaJane Stauffer

    Mispronunciations!!! “Patriartical” instead of pa-tri-ar-chal

    “Paradisical” instead of par-a-dis-i-a-cal

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Saying in a prayer: “We are grateful thankful for…”. (even multiple times in the same prayer!)
    I’ve wondered if that adds more meaning, or emphasis to our gratitude, or, if it only is as redundant as it sounds.

    Like

  27. Jumping out of your seat when singing, “Jesus wants me for a suuuuuun BEAM!”

    Like

  28. My pet peeve is when ending a prayer someone says inthenameofJesusChristamen as it was one long word. Many times I have thought, “what?”

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Sweets! I joined the Church in 76 and was happy to start living the Word of Wisdom, which initially for me that meant abstaining from alcohol. Very quickly though I noticed that for every social occasion in and out of church there were nothing but cookies and all kinds of desserts being offered; I’m not talking about a ward dinner but any other occasion (fireside, single adult activity (which I was at that time), roadshows or practically any other ward activity. Yes, I grew up eating a lot of candy and one time I when I was married with four children I went to a drug rehabilitation center to visit a friend who was there to get off painkillers. We were in a circle and the addicts were talking about their addictions and each guest was introduced. When it came to me, I introduced myself and said I was a chocoholic and everyone laughed. I said, no really, I really am and I bet it would be just as difficult for me to break this addiction as it is for you to break yours. Well, the same is true in our Church; most people have an addiction to sweets that we have replaced for what non-members use at social activities, which is alcohol. I believe that one drink might be actually OK, but unfortunately, for far too many, one leads to more and then that is where the trouble begins. The deeper meaning of the Word of Wisdom revolves around what we should be eating to nourish our bodies, which are temples of God.

    Like

  30. Bob
    As I am now a senior member of our ward, my ability to hear has diminished so I must wear hearing aids. Having been a member of the younger generation years ago, with adorable children, I was unaware of how painful the high pitched shriek of an adorable child can be to those of us wearing hearing aids. A disruptive child, like your good intentions, should be carried out.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. What about than instead of sharing the testimony , they give a talk, even after the conductor of the meeting have give specific guidelines about what a testimony should be.

    Like

  32. Kristin LaMoure

    pronouncing Ensign the wrong way. It is not Ensun. It is supposed to be En”sine”, as in a “ensign to the nations”. As far as testimony meetings go, I don’t find anything about them funny at all. They are horrible meetings and should be done away with, IMO. As far as TMI, how’s this? We actually had someone talk about their “problem” with masturbating.

    Like

  33. Gary M Rawlings

    My pet peeve is the conducting official, saying “we have a great program lined up today….” I have always thought it was a service not a “program.”

    Like

  34. I think people don’t understand the great gift the temple endowment is when the say they are “taking out their endowments”. First, it is a singular endowment. Second, one does not “take it out” like checking out a book from the library. You receive one (and only one) endowment from our Heavenly Father as a gift. And like other monetary endowments given to universities, it continuously blesses you without ever diminishing.

    Like

  35. Starting a talk with “I have been asked to talk about…..”, or the “Bishop asked me to talk about…..”

    Like

    • I have noticed that no one starts out a talk like this in General Conference. I have decided to try to model my talks after General Conference talks.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Excellent. Announcing the subject of your talk turns people off with a :Oh, I know all about that; I don’t have to listen.” Start with a story or a scripture; keep the congregation on their toes wondering where you’re going with your thoughts.

        Like

  36. Deb Merrill

    After reading this article and comments, I don’t think I will be speaking, serving, singing, or praying anymore! We are really missing the boat for a group of people that are taught to be Christ-like and nonjudgemental. I would call this, ‘nit-picking.’

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Lori Labrum

    Why does the person conducting sacrament meeting need to “excuse the Bishop” or other member of the bishopric because he isn’t feeling well, or has gone to a family members ordnance, or any other reason? Can you be excused from going to church? Why doesn’t everyone get excused when they are gone?

    Like

  38. This is the second thing I’ve read or seen by you that is very ignorant in terms of the very serious problem of addiction . First of all, addiction is not a sin, it is a brain disease, in which those that are sick do things they would never normally do if they werent sick. It’s a medically proven fact, this is in reference to your video you recently posted. And now you are saying “serious addictions ” aren’t relevant to members? Believe me, I’ve worked in the field for 15 years and there are plenty of members with life-threatening addictions, and young people dying every day. I know you are trying to be funny, and light-hearted, but maybe it’s time you educate yourself on addiction before you keep posting these very derogatory and shame-based ideas. Everyone has their struggles, and Jesus loves each and every one of us.

    Like

  39. Replacing gospel principles of love, generosity, and kindness with statistics, reports, and comparisons.

    Like

  40. Brian Anderson

    It seems like bishoprics have adopted the folksy approach to Aaronic Priesthood ordinations everywhere I go. The Handbooks says – “It is proposed that _______ be ordained to the office of _________. All in Favor.” What I hear is: “The bishop has had an interview with _____ and has found him worthy to be ordained as a _______. Those of you who can join with the bishopric in sustaining him . . . I have never once heard a bishopric say: The bishop has had an interview with sister ____ and found her worthy to be called as a member of the Relief Society presidency. So why the addiction to free lancing with young men?

    Like

  41. Paula Graves

    Well this was all very educating. I could throw in the fact that so many say “I leave this with you”,as they close their testimony and my mom would say ” you should never leave your testimony, you need it always. What you do is share it.” However all these comments though valid are pushing the provoke button. We come into the gospel at all different levels and each of us learns different things at different times so we need to try via the spirit to work on getting things right but it takes time. We didn’t all major in english, or speech, or leadership or nutrition or psychology, So let’s all be patient, kind, and long suffering and get through this together.

    Like

  42. Asking members separately or together as a couple, why they don’t have children yet, then if they give out certain information, asking if they’ve thought about adoption or then telling them, as if they didn’t know, they’ll have an increase in Eternity.

    Like

  43. James Barton

    Saying Doctor and Covenants instead of Doctrine and Covenants. If you haven’t noticed this before, just listen for it. Now you’ll never stop hearing it. Your Welcome 🙂

    Like

    • I remember being surprised as a pre-teen when I finally realized it actually wasn’t the Doctor and Covenants.

      Liked by 1 person

  44. When the bishopric member is at the podium in sacrament meeting and says “we’d like to thank” ……our speakers, or the young men for passing the sacrament in such a reverent way, etc…. instead of “we thank”.

    Like

  45. “I know the time has gone, ….” and then continues. The time is gone, close your talk.

    Like

  46. I think it is pretty classless and wrong to call these things addictions. Please choose a different word. True addiction is anything but comedic. This is an insult to those who legitimately suffer from addictions.

    Like

  47. I am just happy to be at church among the saints. Period.

    Like

  48. So many people say “Release Society” instead of “Relief Society”. However, I do find that our women’s organization can be both a release and a relief for us and others.

    Like

  49. Erik schoenhals

    Trying to find someone who can play the piano.

    Like

  50. Here in Melbourne,Australia I swear every week we would sing hymns 300 and 308 like they are the only hymns in the hymn book.

    Like

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