Bishopric LDS Pews Listicle YSA

73 Things Still Less Awkward Than a YSA Bishopric’s Chastity Lesson

The Law of Chastity is a blessing. Bishoprics that are uncomfortable teaching it are a curse.

Every six months or so (I try not to keep track), Young Single Adult bishoprics everywhere review the semantics of the Law of Chastity with their congregations. The LoC is a smart, necessary commandment, but if bishoprics don’t handle the topic well … it can get pretty awkward.

“How awkward?” you ask. Well, for a little perspective, here are 73 things that are less awkward than the average YSA bishopric’s attempt to teach a room full of hormonal young Mormons about chastity:

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1. Not having a centerpiece for your Relief Society lesson.

2. That couple giving each other back rubs during church.

3. When you try to high-five someone but they don’t notice.

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4. Sneezing while you urinate (applicable for guys only—don’t think too hard about this).

5. That moment when you’re waiting to cross the street but you’re not sure if the passing car is slowing down or not…

6. Trying to be funny in a different language.

7. People finding out you haven’t seen Star Wars.

8. Stake dances.

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9. Ugly toes.

10. Giving someone a drink from a cup with something stuck on the bottom.

11. The mysterious stew in dishes that have been sitting in the sink for two weeks.

12. Shoulder hair.

13. Twilight

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14. Twilight: New Moon

15. Twilight: Eclipse

16. Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

17. Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 2)

18. When you realize that you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you could have been eligible to receive financial compensation.

19. Finding potatoes in your cupboard that have been there for months and have started their own colony.

20. When you wave at someone in public but they don’t wave back.

21. Getting your card declined at the register.

22. Uncle Rico.

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23. When a roommate destroys the bathroom but you’re not sure which one it was so you ask them weird questions like, “so how have you been feeling lately?”

24. Forgetting to invite your parents to your wedding.

25. When something simple goes wrong with your car but you know nothing about cars.

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26. Trying to do a British accent but ending up sounding Australian.

27. Accidentally walking straight towards someone and then you both awkwardly dodge back and forth in the same direction.

28. Going in for your first kiss and getting rejected.

29. Going in for your first kiss and not getting rejected.

30. Not recognizing the Fresh Prince theme song.

31. Running into an ex in public.

32. Ripping your pants in public

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33. When your parents tell your friends their favorite embarrassing story about you.

34. Asking a girl out and finding out she’s engaged.

35. When you’re in Sunday School and you raise your hand, start talking, but the teacher was calling on the person who raised their hand behind you.

36. Choking on your spit.

37. Tripping on nothing.

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38. Singing the wrong lyrics for years.

39. Texting the wrong person.

40. When some embarrassing photos of you end up on the internet.

41. Wetting the bed during a sleep-over.

42. Wetting the bed at all.

43. Passing “fumes” in public.

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44. When someone walks in on you in the bathroom.

45. When you recognize someone in public and start talking to them but then realize they aren’t who you thought they were.

46. Realizing you wore your shirt backwards the entire day.

47. When you need to XYZ.

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48. When you don’t know what XYZ means.

49. Sending the post-date text to the wrong person.

50. When a new acquaintance gets way too personal way too fast.

51. Falling asleep in Seminary.

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52. When you’re under/over-dressed for the occasion.

53. When you’re getting dressed and realize the blinds are wide open.

54. When you thought you were using two-ply until…

55. When someone calls you by name but you can’t remember theirs.

56. When you’re not sure whether to give a handshake or a hug.

57. Clogging someone else’s toilet.

58. Realizing at the end of the day there’s something stuck in your teeth.

59. Realizing at the end of the day there’s something stuck in your nose.

60. Putting a soda in the freezer to cool it down super-fast but then forgetting about it until it expands and leaks all over the place.

Great American Baking Show Stephanie Chen GIF by ABC Network - Find & Share on GIPHY

61. Making an instructional YouTube video and messing up whatever you’re supposed to be an expert on.

62. Asking a large woman how far along she is.

63. Having to ask your kids how to copy/paste.

64. Catching someone picking their nose in the car next to you and then making eye contact.

65. Talking smack and then getting beat.

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66. Reaching for the last turkey at the same time as someone else the day before Thanksgiving.

67. Accidentally ‘Liking’ the picture from 9 months ago of the person you were stalking on Instagram.

68. Ending an important speech with “In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

69. Thinking someone is joking when they’re dead serious.

70. When they give you your food at Chick Fil A and say, “Enjoy!” and you respond with, “You too!”

71. When you end a random telephone conversation with “OK love you, bye.”

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72. Falling asleep in Sacrament Meeting.

73. Falling asleep in Sacrament Meeting when you’re the bishop.

 


The Law of Chastity is a great thing that blesses lives worldwide. It helps keep marriages together and makes them stronger. It needs to be taught sensitively, smartly and boldly. In the words of Brother Mayer, just “Say what you need to say.”

 

Contributer: Kody Duncan

All gifs via Giphy.com

 

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The Church is true. The doctrines are true. The Book of Mormon is what Joseph Smith said it is. That being said, we Mormons can be pretty goofy sometimes. The Sunday Pews aims to poke fun at the human quirks specific to our subculture, not the sacred doctrines we hold so dear. All articles are satirical in nature.

1 comment on “73 Things Still Less Awkward Than a YSA Bishopric’s Chastity Lesson

  1. Carolyn

    Holy cow, you guys. I’m trying to get three kids three and under down for naps/quiet time. I busted up laughing sooo many times while reading this. I LOVE your blog!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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