PLEASANT GROVE, Utah—Several members left a Utah County Sunday School class feeling slightly guilty after Sister Debra Shields, 41, did her best to manipulate members’ into joining the ward choir.
“Yeah, she promised us all sorts of blessings,” one member said, “but ‘no-bake cookies’ just weren’t enough to get me to commit. It’s not that I don’t want to go or that I’m just not interested in going, it’s … well, OK, yeah, I guess it is.”
Ward choirs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints dot the world but are known for being low on the list of members’ priorities. Many Latter-day Saints say they’re busy enough just fulfilling their callings, keeping the commandments and pretending to look for scriptures when their Sunday School teachers ask for a volunteer to say closing prayer. They say there simply isn’t time to participate in the ward choir.
Sister Shields, Ward Choir Director and emeritus aspiring opera singer, emphasized to the class on Sunday that the choir is “desperately in need of more men,” but that “any sisters who want to join are more than welcome.”
She also explained that, as made evident by the choir’s past performances, “no previous vocal training or talent is necessary.”
Members listened patiently to the plea, and report feeling varying levels of guilt, but only enough to inspire sympathy instead of action.
This article is just satire, but it really is hard to get people to join the choir in some wards! It’s hard to find people who like/are willing to sing in front of people. That said, a well-rounded choir with the right director can equate to a very spiritually moving experience. To all you ward choirs out there—keep it up! Despite the teasing nature of this article, we do appreciate you.