Bishopric LDS Pews Listicle

Top 10 Fears Only Mormons Have

What are Mormons really afraid of? The results *dramatic pause* may disturb you.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Ghosts and ghouls and the Boogeyman, oh my! In the spirit of the season, we at TSP sent out our top reporter with only one objective: What are Mormons really afraid of? The results *dramatic pause* may disturb you.

Our countdown starts with number ten:

10. Folding chairs

“If the brethren could please stay behind to help take down chairs, that would be great.”

Scared Jim Carrey GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

9. Multi-level marketing Relief Society member

“Oh hey sister Tunacassarole, would you be interested in…”

Advertising Sticker GIF by WiperTags - Find & Share on GIPHY

8. When there’s extra time left after Sacrament Meeting and the bishop starts eyeballing people

Good luck, my friends.

Look Down Les Miserables GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

7. Repentance

That’s one scary costume…

Repentance t-shirt

6. Being asked to perform in the ward talent show

Danny Devito No GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

It’s not you, it’s me.

5. A table without a centerpiece

Worst nightmare.

Scared Scream GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

4. Sign-up sheet for anything

Interested Harvey Specter GIF by Suits - Find & Share on GIPHY

And then feeling bad for being selfish not giving more service.

3. A phone call from any member of the bishopric

You know exactly what’s coming.

The Ring GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

2. Sending a child on a mission to somewhere dangerous

Avoid internet searches of their areas.

Pass Out Kristen Wiig GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

1. And finally, occasionally not getting an email from that missionary on their designated P-Day

“That’s it, I’m calling the mission president.”

Ewan Mcgregor Fainting GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.


 

 

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The Church is true. The doctrines are true. The Book of Mormon is what Joseph Smith said it is. That being said, we Mormons can be pretty goofy sometimes. The Sunday Pews aims to poke fun at the human quirks specific to our subculture, not the sacred doctrines we hold so dear. All articles are satirical in nature.

13 comments on “Top 10 Fears Only Mormons Have

  1. Being called in to Nursery (I would love that calling, by the way),

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lise Bennett

    Having to drive 3 hours to Grandma’s house for Sunday dinner on Fast Sunday 😉

    Like

  3. Cub Scouts, or nursery. Moved to a new ward, they gave me a choicer, which would you like, Cub Scouts or Nursery. I choose nursery and survived…34 years. So what do I get next big Cub Scouts, the Singles. (by the way, I loved it.)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oops, made a mistake and it affects the comment. Cub Scouts, or nursery. Moved to a new ward, they gave me a choice, which would you like, Cub Scouts or Nursery. I choose Cubs and survived…34 years. So what do I get next, big Cub Scouts, the Singles. (by the way, I loved Cubs and I loved the Singles)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh and BTW – Could you lead the sacrament music- in 5 minutes.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, that is easy for me, unless I do not know the song. The very first time I lead music at Sacrament Meeting the song was one of those that change time signatures a couple of times during the song. Thank goodness the organist just played on!

    Like

  7. Donald Christensen

    When the Ward Choir Director suddenly gets overly friendly.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Derald Terry

    Nursery leader is the best calling in the church. Snacks, naps and you get to pick the music ( or the game that just can’t be missed)😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The big exodus to Missouri happening, and you sleep through it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Stephen Orlandi

    Leading music is bad scary for me. So is,”oh, by the way Sister so and so isn’t here today. You’ll have to play for Sacrament.” Ugh. Don’t really mind but at least a bit of practice time would help.

    Like

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