The Sunday Pews



Bishop Silences His Irreverent Kids With Intense Smile From the Stand

PRICE, Utah - To the general membership of Clearwater 1st Ward, Bishop Charles Stanley is all smiles - but when his kids are misbehaving during Sacrament Meeting that Mona Lisa smile takes on a double-meaning that is not to be ignored.


Convert Testimony Strengthened by Oblivious Senior Missionary Couple Who Should Have Died “About 17 Times by Now”

LONDON - Logic, common sense and science all suggest that Elder Gene Hardy, 73, and Sister Sheila Hardy, 71, should have been killed in any number of ways months ago. At least, that's what recent convert Brian Shephard says.

Local Brother Just Reads Autobiography to Congregation During Testimony Mtg.

SAINT GEORGE, Utah – Brother Dennis Miller, 48, of the Casablanca 1st Ward dropped all pretense during Sunday’s testimony meeting and simply started reading from his 953-page self-published autobiography.

Sunday School Instructor Waits 72 Hours for “a Volunteer to Say Closing Prayer”

SPRINGVILLE, Utah - Members of the Springville 1st Ward Gospel Doctrine class avoided eye contact with instructor Carolyn Peters for an entire three days after Sister Peters called for a volunteer to say closing prayer.

Members Pretend Not to Hear Brother Snoring During Sac. Mtg.

BOULDER, Colo. - Members of Mountain Crest Ward seated within a 40-foot radius of Brother Gary Yates pretended not to hear him snoring throughout Sacrament Meeting on Sunday, sources say.

YSA Break-the-Fast is Potato Bar Again, Members Stay Positive

OREM, Utah - For the third consecutive month this year the upcoming Nampa YSA 1st Ward Break-the-Fast will feature a lavish potato bar.

Bishop Calls for Pew to be Cut in Two After Sac. Mtg. Territory Dispute

DETROIT - Two families from the local Latter-day Saint congregation clashed Sunday, both claiming that the fourth row on the left side of the chapel was "their pew," sources say.

Area Sister Fakes Death After Devastating Calling to be Girl’s Camp Director

BOISE, Idaho - After a comprehensive search of the greater Boise area that began almost two weeks ago, authorities say they have found 32-year-old Sister Rebecca Todd alive and well in an abandoned potato field.

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