The Sunday Pews



Local Youth Annihilates Candy Crush Record During Stake Dance

UMATILLA, Ore. - Newly ordained Priest Timothy Sterling, or as his fellow quorum members refer to him, "The GOAT", totally smashed his Candy Crush record during Saturday night's stake dance, sources say.


YSA Elders Quorum President Inspired to Assign Himself to Home Teach Most Attractive Sisters

Backlash from the rest of the quorum has been severe. The Elders have denounced the decision, calling it "contrived, selfish and just totally not cool".

Recently Returned Missionary Boldly Applies Commitment Language to Everyday Life

"Father, will you follow the example of the neighbors and purchase two-ply toilet paper today at Walmart?"

YSA Break-the-Fast is Potato Bar Again, Members Stay Positive

OREM, Utah - For the third consecutive month this year the upcoming Nampa YSA 1st Ward Break-the-Fast will feature a lavish potato bar.

Newlyweds Suffer Amnesia, Forget Everyone They Knew Before Wedding

PROVO, Utah – Tragedy struck this February when local newlyweds Daniel Streets and Melissa Meservy were diagnosed with an all too common form of retrograde amnesia, causing them forget all former friends and loved ones.

Newly Engaged Couple Feels Need to Teach Remaining YSAs About Marriage

REXBURG, Idaho - During the monthly Sunday School lesson on dating, recently engaged young single adults Jeremiah Hull and Esther Brady simply dominated the room.

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