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7 Devastating Addictions Latter-day Saints Need to Watch Out For

These have really been chaffing my wheat lately.

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Local Youth Annihilates Candy Crush Record During Stake Dance

UMATILLA, Ore. - Newly ordained Priest Timothy Sterling, or as his fellow quorum members refer to him, "The GOAT", totally smashed his Candy Crush record during Saturday night's stake dance, sources say.

POLL: Does This Beard-Growing Newly-Released Bishop Still Have a Testimony?

KENNEWICK, Wa. - Newly-released Bishop Garth Shumway of Kennewick Central Ward is growing a beard, sources say.

Local Brother “Wasn’t Planning on Bearing His Testimony Today”

While members agree that it’s not their place to judge, they say their exasperation fell under the category of righteous judgement as the brother read the words “I wasn’t planning on bearing my testimony today” from a printed sheet of paper he took from his pocket at the pulpit.

Church Announces New Primary Session of General Conference

SALT LAKE CITY - A spokesman from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today the addition of a new session of General Conference specific to Primary-aged children.

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Utahns to be Chastened With 40 Years of Road Work

"It's a nightmare of biblical proportions. Traffic, early-morning noise, chaos and destruction everywhere. Send the flies. Send the frogs. Send the Jehovah's Witnesses for all I care - anything but construction. My testimony just can't handle it."

Church Announces New Home Teaching ‘Rollover Visits’ Policy

Similar to 'rollover minutes' in many cell phone plans, 'rollover visits' allow Quorum members to accumulate visits completed within the same month and apply them to Home Teaching reports in future months.

Local Teens Struggle to Get Mom Out of Bed for Early-Morning Seminary

LAYTON, Utah - To local teens Gary and Judy Youngston every morning is the same. They get up, brush their teeth, make their lunches and then confront the sleeping giant - Mom.

YSA Elders Quorum President Inspired to Assign Himself to Home Teach Most Attractive Sisters

Backlash from the rest of the quorum has been severe. The Elders have denounced the decision, calling it "contrived, selfish and just totally not cool".

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