The Sunday Pews



Elderly Sister Completely Unaware that her Flatulence is 100% Audible

“What she doesn’t need is a bunch of deacons and high priests whispering behind her back, using inappropriate terms like the vapor caper, pucker chuckle and even Satan’s bugle."


Heavily-Perfumed Elderly Sister Prompts Use of Gas Masks in Relief Society

LAS VEGAS, Nev. - Sister Agatha Crabapple of Sandhill 1st Ward, 82, has attended Relief Society every week for the last 64 years. So has her Chanel No. 5.

Relief Society Instructor Centerpiece Feud Escalates, Meetinghouse Ignites

SAN FRANCISCO - Sisters Beth Holladay and Karen Harvey were released from the callings as Relief Society instructors in the Redwood 5th Ward on Sunday after members say classroom tabletop centerpieces went "a bit over the top".

Area Sister Fakes Death After Devastating Calling to be Girl’s Camp Director

BOISE, Idaho - After a comprehensive search of the greater Boise area that began almost two weeks ago, authorities say they have found 32-year-old Sister Rebecca Todd alive and well in an abandoned potato field.

Relief Society Attendees Each Receive a Roast Turkey As “Small Treat” to Help Remember Lesson

CEDAR CITY, Utah - In a stunning gesture of compassionate service, Sister Heather Loveli prepared and distributed whole roast turkeys to each student in her Relief Society class on Sunday.

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